Simeon's Food Diary

Simeon the Seagull was a bit on the lardy side. He was getting a bit out of breath after taking off, and he thought he caught his girlfriend looking at him with disgust one time, when she thought he couldn't see her. He wasn't sure though; her eyes were always like that because she was a seagull.

Simeon went to see a dietician. The dietician asked him to compile a list of everything he eats on a typical day, so she could get some idea of where he was going wrong. Like a food diary, she said. 

Simeon came back the next day with his list. This is what it said:

Breakfast:

Half digested kebab from a puddle of sick

2 cold McNuggets

Half a dead jellyfish (shared with Gary)

Elevenses:

1 soggy BLT sandwich, found in a bin

Lunch:

Leftover fish and chips (with ketchup), found under a bench

Half a burger (stole it from Brett) 

1 doughnut (snatched from a girl's hand)

1 dropped icecream

Afternoon Snack:

A cocktail sausage from a nice old lady's picnic

Dinner:

Cold pizza cheese from the inside of a box

A few strips of donner

Another dropped icecream

Fish guts on the beach

Half a dead pigeon (fought over it with Mitch and Nige)

Midnight Feast:

Cheesy chips

Kebab

Pizza

More sick

More Kebab

Few more chips.

Well, said the dietician.

Well? said Simeon.

Well, she said, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your diet, anyway. Maybe try some more exercise?