Deli-rium: The Emperor's New Coffee

We get a lot of of coffee snobs.
Like the woman who came in demanding 'Italian coffee! Italian! It has to be Italian! I only drink Italian! You have no Italian? How can good coffee shop no have Italian? Useless!"
Ridiculous. I mean, they don't even grow coffee beans in Italy. "Italian" usually refers to the brand, or the grind. When informed of this, she went pale and quiet and stormed out.

We get bored of them. We know, after all, that our coffee is the best. But there are always customers that think they know better.

So we decided to get some even better coffee, coffee that they would never have tasted before, or even heard of, although of course, they would never let on.

We called it coffee crystal.
Because it's crystal clear.

But coffee's brown!
No, dear coffee lover. No, not this one.
This, my friend, is the finest, the rarest and most expensive coffee in all the land! Why, haven't you heard of it? Oh, of course you have, yes. You are a coffee lover, after all. Isn't the aroma fantastic! Isn't the taste so rich, so multi-faceted?
And yes, the beans are completely invisible! Incredible, no? And they're hand picked by blind monks, only under the full moon, and only on leap years. That will be £7.60 please.

Of course, there's no such thing. It's just hot water.
But there's no way they'd let on. No way they'd show their own ignorance. They drink their £7.60 hot water and smile and say it's delicious, and tell their friends about it who, of course, already know all about it.

And as soon as they leave the shop we're rolling on the ground laughing, crying big fat tears of crystal coffee.